Untangling the Knots™
A grief-informed framework for navigating layered grief with clarity and compassion

​​Grief doesn’t follow rules​.

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• It doesn’t expire on a schedule.

• And it doesn’t always show up in tears.

• Sometimes, grief is decades old.

• Sometimes, it looks like fatigue, anxiety, inflammation, people-pleasing, or chronic stress.

• Sometimes, it lives quietly — in the body, in the breath, in the nervous system.

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And it isn’t always about death.​

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Grief can arise from any number of things, including divorce, career or identity loss, estrangement, betrayal, illness, or the collapse of something you once believed in. It can be sudden or cumulative, acknowledged or invisible.

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This work is rooted in story — and in lived experience.

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My own grief journey began when we lost our infant daughter, Lauren, to SIDS — a sudden and devastating loss that changed everything.  In the years since, I’ve supported other bereaved families, led SIDS education programs and trainings, studied grief and trauma, and become a Certified Grief Educator.

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Over time, I came to see that grief is never just about what happened — it’s also about how we’re held after, what came before, and who we are inside.​

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A Framework Inspired by Both Science & Story

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My model is adapted from the renowned SIDS Triple Risk Model — which explains how three intersecting risks (biological vulnerability, a critical development period, and external stressors) contribute to the risk of an infant dying from SIDS.  I applied that same layered thinking to the grief journey — and created the Triple Knot Framework™.

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The Triple Knot Framework™

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This model  helps us understand why two people — even in the same family, even experiencing the same loss — can have such different grief responses. It isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a lens.

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A compassionate, clarifying way to reflect on how grief lives in you.

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Each of the “knots” shapes the overall experience:

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• Loss — the severity, number, and nature of what has been lost (visible and invisible)

• Support — your external resources: community, therapy, rituals, or their absence

• Resilience — your inner terrain: nervous system, physical health, personality, and your connection to the symbolic and spiritual life of the psyche

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These factors are always present — but their intensity, size, and interaction shape how tangled the grief feels.

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By exploring what’s woven into each knot — and tending to what’s missing, frayed, or overly tight — we begin the work of loosening. Not to erase the pain, but to move through it with more compassion, clarity, and breath.

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